On Comms and Lonlitas

 I've never been big on large gatherings where I'm expected to socialize with a majority of the attendees. The earliest thing that comes to mind is going to huge family gatherings during the holidays and clinging to my brother for company- the only one close to me in age- while I tried to be excited or pretend I remembered random great aunts and second-cousins. Unfortunately, this feeling really followed me in life and even into adulthood. 

When you first start getting into the niche culture that is lolita fashion a lot of participants will talk about their local communities (comms) and how they have regular outings where they exist and socialize solely because they wear the same clothing. So many people make it sound like a staple, and newer lolitas will post all over the internet asking where they can find their own and be with others. 

After about a year of wearing this fashion and trying to go to meets and gatherings at conventions, "comm" life just wasn't for me. I was so much happier just existing on my own in the fashion. Meeting others with a single common interest only to find there was very little else to talk about most times felt othering to me, and like any hobby, everyone has different opinions on what makes it fun! Many only wear the fashion to meets, or felt it was an overall uncomfortable style to participate in, or too expensive to have in addition to their many interests. 

I genuinely love wearing this any time I get the chance and have been blessed with the inability to feel shy about how my clothes look. I was always encouraged to express myself however I like. "As long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else" was something my mom said regularly when I was hesitant about enjoying something. To this day I still believe in that with all things! But most certainly with how I dress and present myself. 

Out of the few meets I have attended, I managed to find some amazing connections and long-time friendships. More recently as the fashion becomes widespread I will have people in the city tell me how much they love my coord, how they want to wear lolita but have no idea where to start. In the digital age, online comms and connections have become a great alternative! I will often offer up my instagram as a method of communication and help someone learn more about the style and eventually form yet another friend. 

My very favorite story is one of complete chance and good luck. It was a weekend I had traveled to a city alone by train, so I was relying on public transit and walking for getting around. I had never had any issues with my lolita footwear so I decided to go out in a coord with my adorable Angelic Pretty sandals! Well, somewhere between my uber and my tea reservation a platform came clean off my shoe. You can imagine my panic as I'm running from store to store on the strip looking for any acceptable replacement. (I came up short, just about every shop carried only sandals or sneakers of which I dislike both). 

After a solid 15 minutes of darting in and out of stores I see someone waving at me from across the road. It was a Dr. Marten's shop, and there was someone in the doorway waving me in! I went to them and the first thing they say is "Did your tea parties break?". A friend! A savior! And even better they recognize the issue clearly and the fashion! 

We traded social media and stayed in touch, regularly visiting one another and becoming very good friends. They saved my life that day with what is still my favorite pair of mary jane slip ons. Fully recommend for quick outings or old school and casual coords!

This week I met with them and another fantastic friend for an outing to a cat and wine bar, sushi, and ended the night in a picturesque old town for ice cream~ 

Sometimes huge gatherings and public enjoyment isn't for you, and thats ok! A few close friends where I can comfortably be myself and maybe even share the joy of the dresses and style with will be preferable to me.